Hey guys,
Something has been really bothering me latley, and I think I need to finally come out and say it.
I’ve been living with Phil for a while now, and granted I’m not the cheeriest person to live with I try my best. Well, today I was looking casually at his desktop when I notice some porn he was trying to download. Firstly, A) he watches it a lot….especially when I”m not home. B) I found this out while looking at his history, because when I tried to type in google, I got a suprising answer back.
Gaypersonaladds. He’s been looking up gay personal adds. Further more, he’s been going to what seems like every gay porn site known to man and trying to download that crap.
Ok, so I should say that I know in relationships when there isn’t someone around its the right thing to do. But that much? I mean….I’m here most of the time, after school at night. Does he not find me attractive anymore? And now looking at other peoples personal adds. I thought maybe he was doing it because it was funny to look at…but then he went back a second time. And now downloading all this gay porn onto his computer?
I have to say, my feelings are really hurt right now. And I just feel like I”m gearing up to be really devistated again, like I have been before. And its not fair, and I hate this feeling, and I want it to stop, but I’m pretty sure it won’t stop.
And if I do confront him on this, he’ll do the whole pissy thing and then try to blame me for being too nosy and then tell me to fuck off. Either way, I’m screwed, and I’m just sick of the fact that I don’t have a normal relationship.
Sometimes…I just wish I was normal, that I didn’t have to be born different. Live a normal life, make my parents happy, and never have to go through all these extra pains that come with being gay.
Right now, I just wish I wasn’t myself.
