A shift in lifestyle is something that should never be done during school.

So, when I started school back up again, I decided that I should cut back on my coffee consumption, just because I was drinking way too much and it was making me exhausted as hell when I needed to be awake and alert.  Well, the transition has been an on and off again experience:

-Good days are not so bad.  I have one coffee in the morning and I’m pretty alert, awake etc.  By the mid morning I get a little groggy so I decide to eat my lunch to wake me up, which usually does the trick.  Then in the afternoon I usually get pretty groggy so I have a hot chocolate and I’m good to go! 

-Bad days, like today, are terrible.  I wake up, just barely, and saunter over to the shower to have one.  I rest my head against the shower wall for about 10 minutes as I attempt to wake up.  When I finally am done the whole shower bit, I get out and am blasted by cold air, and go back to my room and get dressed.  My iPod chord in my car has died, so I am forced to listen to some shitty CD”s I made when I got my new car.  I pull into school and get woken up by the walk to the Riddell center.  I grab my coffee and guzzle it down extremely fast.  However, this does not help my morning, but I attempt to stave off the temptation (stave it off, 1-2-3, now you can count to 3!).  So, by this time I’m pretty pissy and tired as hell, so I grab my lunch and eat it.  This helps for about 30 minutes until I’m back to being my normal bitchy self again, so I go to have a hot chocolate.  I too guzzle this down, and it also produces the same groggy effect that I’ve been feeling all day.  When I get home: NAP TIME, and I nap for an unhealthy length of time.

So, I’ve been searching for ways to combat this tiredness, and the first thing that everyone suggests is eating breakfast. 

If you don’t know this about me, I can’t eat foods in the morning anymore (ever since I worked at McDonalds), because I get extremely sick and queasy when I do.  However, everyone at school has been buying these Magic Bullets, in which they quickly toss in some fruit and milk etc and away they go!  It looks so convienent, so I was thinking about investing in one.  However, due to my financial situation, I may have to put this on hold.  My mom suggested doing it in our current blender, but then I have no container to put it in once thats done. 

Another thing is taking my vitamins (I’m a slacker) and adding iron to the mix.

The problem is is that I get conflicting views on which type of iron to take, because theres ferrous iron, ferric iron, and elemental iron.  I’m not sure which one to take, and I’m sort of sketchy on just taking the advice of the people at shoppers drug mart.  But if I go into a big fancy vitamin place, it’ll be hardcore overpriced.  And if you want my reasons for being scared of overpriced things, see above!

Also, I am so effing busy that I never have time to think about this.  Once I’m not busy, I always have something else to do (which I am still behind on!), and I am getting further and further into a rut!  A RUT I TELL YOU!

As you can tell I’m extremely stressed.  The main reason is ……*drumroll*

DANCING!

And I’ve made myself a decision about it, I’m quitting after this year.

I’ve never had the parents, leah, the dancers treat me so fucking horribly than they did this year.  The random hateful e-mails, the whole “yes you teach 4 days, but I’m still going to tell you that your doing shit wrong” mentality, and the fact that my personal life is on display for everyone to see since Cindy fucking Kearns thinks she has the right to tell everyone.  I field random e-mails of strait bitching, and “you need to do this” from just about everyone these days, and its time I finally buck up and put a stop to it, for my healths sake.

Yes, my healths sake.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so stressed before like this, and my bodies response?  Shut down.  It doesn’t function properly, it doesn’t think right, it doesn’t do anything right.  I’ve taken off far too much than I can chew this time, and it has to stop.

Another thing is that I have a feeling I wont be here when I’m done my schooling.  Jobs will definitely take me other places, and I definitely am not doing my masters here anymore (since the proffessors here aparently don’t think I am smart and work hard), and I”m not just going to say no to any of those opportunities because I’m still teaching, so I have to break free from those bonds and be able to move forward with what I’ve decided to do with my life.  I’m sure people will hate me, and think I’m letting them down, but ultimately this is my life, and I’ll do what I want with it.

As you can tell, I’ve been having just about the worst semester ever.  I’m falling behind in everything, I can’t bring myself to do homework since I’m a lazy ass, and all I do is play WoW, even though since my guild doesn’t let me raid with them (long weird story) I just sort of sit there and watch people talk in trade chat.  Hence, me trying to change my lifestyle. I mean, this sounds a lot like depression, which now that I’m writing all of this is might be, but I haven’t felt that way.  I have fun, with Megan and Glee, Dana and Jackie and stuff, so I’m not sure what this is.

And I’d leave you on a happy note, accept I don’t think I have one……..WRONG! 

I got a new computer!  The monitor is massive, the machine is dead silent, the only thing that sucks is this keyboard is came with.  I hate it, but will be buying a new one sooooooon!  I was going to take a picture for it today, accept my desk is terribly messy so I wanted to clean it up first.  The only bad thing is that our internet router sucks balls, so the internet connection is terrible.  This means huge lag spikes when I play WoW, and sometimes my internet goes bonkers too.  Oh well, we’ll be looking into it soon (I have a feeling Greg has some weird setting on it that makes all the packets go to his computer only, and not the rest of the houses, which would be super annoying!)

Anywho, I have to go cook supper and jet to dance.

Toodles!

Welcome back Ryan!

So, uh, yeah.  I’m kind of just as bad as Megan when it comes to blogging  

So, I’d much rather not talk about 2009 at all.  For the one person who also has me on facebook, and likely already knows this, I broke up with Phil in november.  It was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, and I’m still just right down in the dumps.  Trying to find things that make me happy, or even just take my mind off of things are rare (accept for Glee, see below).  We shared a life, we were married by common law, and he was my first ever love.  Its been the most brain scrambling, backwards, confusing time of my life, and I don’t forsee that ending soon.

So, lets talk about 2010?

New years was ok. I went my friend Jacky’s house to play games, and she brought some gay person over, who I thought was a bit of a pompous ass, as I was constantly being corrected by him (Its UKRAIN, not THE UKRAIN.  FML).  Needless to say, I felt pretty stupid, but I already know I can’t talk to save my life, nor can I write.  Meh.

For some stupid reason, our break was much shorter this year, and I was not impressed.  I didn’t get time to really unpack and all of that, so it was all mushed together in the first week of school and my last 3 days of holidays.  My family was over, but I didn’t enjoy their company.  My brother did his usual “your too gay” stint, and my sister was just over dramatic with the whole “I wont see you again till easter” thing, so overall instead of having fun, I just had a lot of miserable holidays.  The nice thing was hanging out with my dad and step mom, and just my mom and my aunt/cousin.  They definitely made my holidays better.  We had fun times, and I was totally spoiled this christmas (new digital camera, iTouch, Winter jacket).

Then school started, and I was so excited because I had tuesdays OFF!  Ha, right.  I decided to add another class, bringing the total up to 5.  I’m taking one more class called sillisiclastics, which is the study of all sedimentary rocks that are not precipitated from the ocean.  I need a class like this, because I know nothing about any of it at all.  So now, I’m taking 5 classes.  The only one I forsee being a problem is English 301 (YESS MAUREEN I’M TAKING AN ENGLISH!).  Shakespearean comedies and romances.  Apart from this super huge pervert that sits beside me in class, thinking that shakespeare is always talking about how the main leads want to stick it in everything that resembles a vagina, and this girl infront of me who uses her mastery of history to relate everything to something else, but she’s always wrong, and me not being able to read fast at all or understand what the hell is going on, its going to be a wonderful ride.  I just might go drunk every class, that might help.  My other geol classes seem like a lot of work, but will be totally manageable, so I’m not worrie.

Dancing will be much busier this year, as I took on tuesday nights and literally all privates and choreographies.  I need the money to contiue paying rent on my apartment, so I’m trying my best to scrounge up hours at the study (15 an hour is hot hot hot!).  I have to go teach tonight, and it should be interesting to say the least, since I haven’t seen these kids in a very long time.

Apart from that, not much else is going on.  I’m going to continue with my saxaphone, and am going to try to get more BCSA stuff happening as I was totally lazy last semester and we really need to pimp the club.  We’re having a cupcake sale where all the elements are cupcakes.  Isn’t that cute?!

And plans for the future? 

Finish watching Glee with Megan.  I wont lie, I had my doubts about this show just because she said it was all about singing and crap, BUT ITS DRAMA AND SINGING AND HOT GUYS!  Oh god they’re hot hot hot.  Plus, the gay kid and the fat girl are pretty funny too.  The one girl is a bitch, and I think she needs a bitch slap (get it, because she’s a bitch).  And the teachers wife is a fuckwad, and he needs to bang the red head because shes god damn adorable!  MY GOD I CANT WAIT!  I also have a crap ton of DVD’s to get through on my end, including star trek, american dad, my 5 disc wizard of oz collection, house season 5, the office season 5 (because I forget it), Most Haunted (just the last disc), and I think thats it.  Oh, I also need to beat two super mario games for wii, and unlock all the secret characters for super smash brothers.  Yeah, uh, yeah!  Fun times.

And I think thats all I have to say.  I will try my best for a blog again, very soon!

-Ryan Brawurst Scott

Decisions

This summer has been the worst summer I have ever had.

It all started with field school.  My best friend ever Mandy had taken a turn for the worst this last semester and started hitting the chronic again.  Now, in highschool I was able to over look this just because everyone did it in highschool.  I didn’t care, it didn’t bother me, but I guess I always assumed once we tossed the caps in the air we would all magically grow up.  Apparently not so. 

So at field school Mandy whipped out her GIANT bag of pot and smoked up every night, if not every day and night.  It even led to her group excavating dinosaur bones in a staked out spot, which means the school is likely never invited to Dinosaur Park again.  Its a real shame, that place was absolutley beautiful.  Well, during this time, I learned a few things:

1) Mandy was stoned while we did our metamorphic project, which explains why I did most of the work.
2) Mandy used me for notes because when she was “sick” she really was just high the night before and didn’t feel like working (from her mouth directly)
3) Apparently I’m lame and don’t know how to have fun.

So I made a decision, to not talk to her ever again.  I’ve made this decision a couple of times, accept everytime I just went back to being her friend.  Well this time was for real, and when we came back to Regina, facebook informed me we were no longer friends, and we didn’t talk to each other when we were right infront of each other.

I think this has been one of the hardest decisions in my lifetime.  She was my best friend, she was there when I had to tell my parents I was gay, when I was depressed about who I was, and everything.  And yet, I just can’t get over the fact that she’s continually used me so she can apparently get a better time out of life.  Everyone else in the geology department knew its what she did, and I guess I was just too innocent to believe my best friend would do this to me. 

And now she’s gone, moved to SFU to finish her geology degree.  And I’ll never have the chance to make things right ever again.  And I don’t know why, but theres that nagging voice in my head telling me to make things right.  But I think now its a little too late, we both have sour feelings towards each other and I think this incident has put the lid on our friendship.

_______

My car broke down this summer, after years of it acting up.  I was a little sad, it was the one last remaining thing I had of my grandfathers.  But there wasn’t much I could do about an old broken down car.  I still have some of his other things, so I’m not too worried about ever forgetting my grandpa.

So I went to go get a new car.  Me and my mom searched high and low on the internet and found, what we thought, was a good deal.  A 2004 echo for 6500.  Well, we checked it out, and all seemed well.  In that moment we bought the car.

Now, I should give credit to my dad, because it will take him literally one month before he buys anything he wants.  I should have done the same.

A couple days later my check engine light comes on, and I go to my friends boyfriend Knoll to have him read the codes.  First, he tells me my idle air sensor is gone, but he figures it shouldn’t be too bad, but he was thinking about how the older idle air sensors and how they worked.  He also pointed out that there was no tube connecting my coolant resevoir to my engine, which means my engine would over heat if I drove it too long. 

So I take it in and explain all these things to the mechanics.  They were very helpful and explained what they needed to do.  They showed me the shitty work that the previous auto body did and what they would need to fix.  They also offered me a courtesy go over of the car!  I was stoked.

Until I saw what they found.

My alternator belt was being shredded, my air filter was full of crap, the body of my car was a mess, among other things.  I tackled them one at a time and finally, after 1500$ of repairs, I had a ok working car.

Because of this, I needed to extend my loan because I wasn’t able to save any money this summer at all.  And now I’m broke, absolutley broke.  I think I can make tuition for this first semester with my own money, but after that its me cruising on my loan.  And who knows what else my car will throw at me this year.

___________

I decided to teach dancing lessons this summer.  And I also discovered what my dance teacher has to put up with, and what I will never put up with in my life ever.

Mothers, that are so single focused on their dancers that they are willing to insult, swear at, and put down other dancers who did absolutley nothing to them ever.  I think its absolutley disgusting, and would seriously like to just shoot them in the face so I would never have to look at them ever again. 

Constant e-mails, text messages, all plotting behind each others backs so that their daughter would come out ontop.  The name calling was horrid, and the politics were even worse.  I just wish I could show them the e-mails that they have sent so that each of them could see what the others have been saying, and then maybe they would just quit the dance studio and my life would be so much better.

I also looked at my dance schedule this year to discover that I’m teaching pretty much the same kids as last year, and I wanted to make it clear to the parents that I was to have no sick children in my lessons, children that were attentive and did what I asked them, and kids that practiced so that they could ATLEAST remember what we did last week.  Am I allowed to?  Of course not!  I have to sit by and take it in stride, and just be patient about it. 

Well you know what?  Fuck that.  I’ve spent hundreds to close to a thousand dollars getting the credentials I have so that I can teach dancing, and I’m not WASTING that money on children who are there to talk with other kids and not do dick all.  If you want to do that, then have a freaking sleep over and curl each others hair. 

And the worst part?  Leah doesn’t care.  She doesn’t care that I have all these ideas and all this talent, and that I’m not allowed to express my standards for when I’m teaching dance.  I have to sit by and just waste 3 hours of my life on kids that just don’t care.  Seriously, its starting to just weigh me down.  Not being allowed to teach premier dancers, not being able to have my own set of dance rules, its just pissing me off.

________

Thank god I get to go back to school to have something to take my mind off of all this crap.